These are experiments at specific locations/ times where being quiet had unexpected effects. I haven't been numbering (or naming) any of these for myself, and there are more that come "between" (around?) what I've posted. I haven't decided yet on a thematic/ organizing strategy for them, or even which ones I will keep (which will probably depend on their finished form)... but these are some of the works in progress.
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Quiet #4
“Nice” is the squeaky springs
attention.
Plastic-covered,
forced-to-
… No…
failed-to
shout
Things you can’t see without
first being
blinded.
Pushing up through slideshows,
damp hotel beds and
empty shoes
and skeletons.
The beginning of guilt,
and guilt
was my frown turned up
too much at the corner.
The short drive and she
never guessed
that we had been
a beginning.
_____________________________________________________
Quiet #5
The terrible shapes of things out of place, in the dark.
…is connected somehow to…
A new relationship, after one that’s long, makes you too deliberate.
______________________________________________________
Quiet #6
A happily-ever-
made of stained glass,
windows cracked like teeth
crunching
fenders that snarl and the work
of burned out bulbs
that entice like a prince,
but twisting,
and shining
whores with halos
of damp and light
fixed toward something-
after.
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I'm a little confused about how this relates to power issues. I'm probably missing something very important here.
ReplyDeleteDoes that somehow challenge authority, or empower the one being quiet when not expected to be? That's a real assertion on a unique level. Most people feel that empowerment is an act of being loud and breaking the silence. Again, I might be way off base here, but that's very cool if that's the case.
I'm a bit confused as well, but I think it's interesting that in poems 4 and 6, you begin with concepts ("nice" and "a happily-ever") and qualify them by what they are made of. I can understand how silence is a part of power structure, and I think you have made that clear in past posts. There is something submissive about silence. in silence, you are submitting to the sounds of your world so to speak.
ReplyDeleteWhat is is that you think you will ultimately be commenting on? In Quiet #4, the poet (or the muse) interrupts itself in the beginning, which is very odd. 'Forced to' and 'failed to' seem to be extremely contradictory, which is interesting because your silence is beckoning them to make noise, waiting expectantly to hear something, but there is nothing. They fail to live up to their hype, those damn spring boards. The poem is almost sensory at first, but then it veers in other directions that don't mean anything to me. I want to know more about your project, and perhaps seeing more of the poems will help me better understand your focus.
Quiet 4: I like the ambiguity in the first two lines. It feels like it could either be describing nice as the “squeaky springs/ attention” or that nice is the squeaky springs and the second line is a command calling for attention. Either way I like it as a start to the poem, as well as the whole first stanza. A few of the stanza’s though don’t seems to fit. The second and fifth stanzas look like simple sentences that only have been broken. This can work but I question whether it does here. Play with the diction a little to see if something else comes of it. Again the concrete images (squeaky springs, plastic covered, empty shoes) work for the poem (which I think is about sex?), so continue working with those and try to refine the less concrete ones.
ReplyDeleteQuiet 5: I’m not sure if the second line is part of the poem or if it is just telling the reader that the two things are connected. Either way I think just including the two images in a poem connects them enough without explanation and that the line is just tedious. I like how the quiet seems to be related to darkness, in the first two poems it seems like it at least.
Quiet 6: This is my favorite of the three. It is a very audible poem, with the short sharpsounding words (cracked crunching snarl) adding to the images contained within. I also like the sounds of burned out bulbs and whores with halos. The end of the poem connects it to the beginning and almost demands that the poem be read again. Very successful I think.