more testing

Dialogue is something I consistently suck at, so I wanted to test Ray with someone he'd be more comfortable sharing with. I ended up with him not speaking as much as I'd like, but I couldn't come up with responses more fitting for his character. I think he needs to be older, rather than the younger guy I originally envisioned. Anyway, like the last post this is more in the vein of exploring his character, and I'm not sure if a scene like this would make it into the story. I did find myself liking his friend Daniel a lot, and I think I'd have some scenes featuring this guy and the relationship with his wife. I was shooting to have him be real energetic/talkative but he's got his own problems after the war, and it reflects in his marriage. I also wanted there to be a sort of trade-off between the way the guys talked in the army (about women and how they looked, as objects) and how they talk now, the idea being Daniels has adjusted and Ray doesn't know what to say. Does any of this come across?


He took a drag on his cigarette as she walked away.
“Somethin, huh?” he said, around the butt. “From speed dating.” Ray leaned against the side of the building, set the paper bag she gave him on the concrete. Daniels tapped out a jingle in his pockets and shifted his weight. Said he didn’t smoke anymore, was trying to quit. Kept trying to find something else to occupy his hands, his lips. He chewed gum, the pill kind that comes in little foil tablets.
“She know you’re a washed up son of a bitch?” Daniels said, chewing. He had let his hair grow long once he got back to the states, raggedy stuff that fell into his eyes.
“Women,” Ray said, watching her figure stoop into her sedan across the street. She waved and he held up his hand, nodding to her, “think they have everything they want, just after meeting you.” He kept his hand up as she turned to the wheel, starting up and pulling away.
Daniels nodded and looked up at him, squinting in the growing light.
“She’s got a nice set, Ray.” Daniels pulled out an old lighter from his pocket and started flicking it on and off. Ray exhaled and watched the smoke mingle with the mist from his breath. It was one of those cold, sharp mornings; the ones where you squint from the sun and rub your hands together and think about raking leaves. The two leaned next to glass doors of the VA like they did every Monday morning. Sessions started in about ten minutes.
“Molly’s pregnant again,” Daniels said, eyes on the sidewalk, listening to the snap of the lighter. The two liked to let the minutes speak between them, taking in the air as they spoke. Time seemed to move so much slower back home.
Ray smiled, inhaling.
“She’s out all day, right? Doing errands. Comes back with arms full of shopping bags with all sorts of clothes and napkins and forks and shit. Won’t stop talking about this woman she saw at the store, from her high school. Amanda. Amanda was this crazy bitch back in high school, and Molly’s talking all over herself telling me how different this girl was and how she’s really turned her life around. She had a steady job, working at this bath and kitchen store. Molly’s telling me all this while she’s unpacking the bags, putting candles in cabinets and running around the kitchen. She goes, ‘yeah Amanda and I are having lunch this Saturday’ and pulls out this open box of pregnancy tests and sets it right there on the table.”
Daniels had put the lighter back in his pocket and walked on to the sidewalk, facing Ray. His hands were out, animated, hopping around and telling his story. “ ‘But I don’t know if I’m going to go because I really wanted to try out these new shoes I saw at Kohl’s’ and she grabs the box and tosses it in the trash and starts telling me about the shoes. Baby, I said, what’s with the box? And she smiles, gives me a big hug, tells me she’s pregnant again, big kiss on the cheek, gives me an I love you, and goes back to the shoes!”
Ray flicked some of his ashes into the can next to him, and rubbed his hands together.
“Jesus, Danny. I would go nuts.”
“She’s done this four times already, and each time we had a big talk about it, and talked about how we’d get the money, and where we’d get the crib, or which kid wouldn’t get their own room anymore. Now she’s getting shoes! I don’t know what to do with her anymore,” Daniels said, letting his eyes read over the hours to the center, but not paying attention.
Ray brought out his cell and punched in a few digits. Text: Thanks babe! He flipped it shut. Going to see her later tonight, she’s got a nice place.
“It’s time,” Ray said, holding open the glass door. Daniels walked by him, shrugging.
“I don’t know how you do it, man,” Ray said. “If I was you I’d start selling those kids, or something.” Ray remembered them, cute little kids that always cleaned out the M & Ms he kept in his pockets