Well, I'm not sure if 'power of love' is going to be my title, but I think it's interesting. If you didn't read my older post - I'm basically interested in finding out who has more power in relationships and why, because usually - the relationship isn't equal (i.e. one person likes the other more, therefor the one who loves the least has the power in the relationship). What I was going to do was interview people and take pictures of them, and somehow combine their answers to fit into a book - sort of how Peter Jaeger does in "Rapid Eye Movement" when he collages peoples dreams. The question I was going to ask was "who has more power in the relationship" - but then I realized I wouldn't really get straightforward answers and I should really ask this in more of a roundabout way. I haven't interviewed anyone yet, I've just been figuring out how to combine things - but anyway, here are the questions I've come up with.
1. name
2. how long you've been together
3. who approached/pursued who in this relationship (tell me the story) - I would watch for differences in the story told by each person
4. Say you wated to see a chick flick/dude movie with a lot of explosions, and your partner wanted to see the other, explain what would happen.
5. how often does your partner make you cry or feel upset?
6. tell me a time you were reminded of your past relationship by something in the media (i.e. a movie, a song, a tv show)
7. quote some dialogue between you and your significan other that exemplifies a problem in your relationship
8.give me the ratio of how much time you spend with friends without your s.o. vs. the time you spend with your s.o.
9.how has the media shaped your expectations of what your partner "should be doing"?
10. Who has more power in the relationship and why do you feel that way?
I figured I can ask the other questions first and hopefully they'll respond to the last one honestly, but I should be able to tell by the other answers if they're telling the truth or not.
I also think I want to interview some homosexual partners as well as heterosexual. Just for diversity.
Tell me what you think I should add or change. Thanks!
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Well, firstly I don't think it matters in the slightest if it's same sex, different sex, love to a wise man is the same as love to a fool, as William S. once said. Not that homo- or hetero- is either wise or foolish, not at all.
ReplyDeleteI'd also look for things like what one liked or disliked about the other. Asking about who has the power will most likely lead to both of them saying the other one. I know my wife says I have all the power, when in fact I know it is she...
See what I mean?
Anyway, why not ask the questions indirectly. Have maybe a few questions that woul answer the larger one. Instead of coming out with "who has the most power" ask something like does your partner ever disapprove of what you're wearing or make suggestions? Do you often follow those suggestions? or something like that.
I like the way this is headed and think it will be very interesting as long as they don't know your goal. Like I said above, if they know you're asking about who has the power, they'll both say the other one, or they'll both say they do.
I think the idea that you have in mind is a good one, but I don't think you are asking the right questions.
ReplyDeletePersonally, if you asked me to quote a dialogue with my significant other, I a) wouldn't know where to begin and b) I would probably laugh and make something up. That's just me, but I'm guessing a lot of other people would feel the same way- just because it's hard to do & sort unnecessary considering you would be talking with the couple initially.
I also think you need to be more specific with your questions, but after you get to talk to them for a little bit. You could interview the couple together -first about basic stuff like you have: name, age, duration of relationship, etc. Then interview them separately- get to know the individual. Interview them saying things like- "What are the first things that come to mind when you think of "John?" Adjectives, memories (good/bad), songs, etc. Do this for both, bring them back together, and then ask questions about love specific to their relationship.
I think this will get you not only, more material, but more interesting material as well.
I think Mandy has a point about it being difficult to get some interview quotes, but it all depends on the couple, i think. I bet you could get some gold interviewing older couples who've been together for decades on what they think marriage/love is, stuff like that. Also, it'd be pretty neat to do some undercover observation and listen for bits of conversation between couples and see what you can come up with.
ReplyDeleteI dunno why, but this reminded me of some stuff I've been hearing about in Psychology about Relationship Contingent Self-esteem--basically, how good you feel about yourself when your partner is upset. If you wanted the more technical side of this relationship power stuff (ala Rapid Eye Movement)I could dredge up some sources for you.
All in all I think it's a cool way to look at power and could result in some really interesting stuff.
Olivia,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, why limit yourself to girlfriend/boyfriend relationships? I think that there are a vast number of relationships out there that signify a power struggle. I think immediately to the parent/child relationship. The parents have 'power' over the child, until...when? The child rebels? The child is 18? I'm 21 years old and I still rely on my parents for pretty much everything. Then the question becomes what sort of power relationship you're interested in. For the parent/child example, the power can come from financial means (and then the tables can be switched...bill gates' mom and dad for instance haha.)
I also thought your comment about "hopefully they'll be truthful" when answering a question was interesting. Why not, instead of interviewing people directly and risking a dishonest answer, put together a case study of sorts. Gather several couples (I'll gladly volunteer to do this, my relationship with my s/o is all kinds of fucked up haha) and study them over a period of time. This way, you might get a better sense of what the relationship is actually like...i.e. have them submit conversations over text (this could be very personal but also very interesting! again, i'd totally be willing to do this.)
anyway, there's some food for thought. good luck!
I guess you didn't read my first post Mandy, they will be separately interviewed. And I'm interested in the dynamic of power, not just about their relationship. And Allison, thank youuu - I'm doing romantic relationships because doing any type of relationship would be WAY too much material and I really don't have that kind of time. But I do enjoy the suggestions.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys!
Hey, I know there are already a lot of comments on your piece but I think it is because this is an issue that I'm sure a lot of us can relate to. I know with my boyfriend, I could easily answer a lot of the questions you are asking to see who has more power in the relationship. Quite frankly I think that he does. But anyway, this is what I think about the questions:
ReplyDeleteI think number 7 could be phrased better. Ask What is your biggest pet-peeve about your s.o. What do you guys fight about most often (I think a lot of times couples will fight about the same issue rather than random things).
I think number 5 is a great question but you're going to have to make them feel comfortable in order for them to be truthful and open up.
And in terms of the last question, I think you're going to need more questions in between. Say, when you are interviewing the girl:
-ask questions like what is his favorite food? What does he wear when he’s just hanging out? What’s his favorite tv show? ----questions of that nature to show how well the person knows the other. I think the power in a relationship is obvious when it comes to how observant a person is. If the girl is much more observant and remembers all the things that her boyfriend likes/dislikes, it shows that she cares more in a way. If you then interview the boy and he has no idea about any of her interests, it seems, to me, that she is the chaser and he is the chased. Just a thought. I hope that helps.