Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Dreams

Here's another piece of my story in it's rawest form

Deep Cimmerian laughters compressed their ambiance. Although it played as a proverbial tone within the background they didn’t stop charging and groping, pulling and shoving mud trying to get the frogs. The more they search the more they felt them between their inner layers, croaking, giggling laughing.
“We must search for frogs, you know the one in the mud” Cynna said as she dived in the fog dipping her hands and feeling through all the soft places.
“Yes frogs I believe they go nice with tea,” Ada interject barely missing a limp.
“Nice with Tea?” Acario asked
“Yes if you think of the colors,” Ada responded.
Through all of the unofficial talks they steadily searched for frogs, not missing a beat.
However, through the corner of Rinnah’s eyes she saw a golden rope on the side of a mountain cliff. She looked at it in amazement. She never knew it was there, as she walked closer to it she began to believe it was always there. She looked straight up to see where it began but it was too high to be in view.
“But how?” she asked herself “How is this rope holding up and who put it here.” She began to tug on the rope checking to see if there were support on the other side but the rope stood firm, it didn’t waver nor bend.
“Upsy Daisy”
She began to climb the steep cliff. As she climb she realized the more she told herself that she can do it the easier it got. It was all mental power. In a pleasant yet strange kind of way it felt as if someone was helping her. A Strange force in which she couldn’t physically describe, A strange acquaintance in which she felt it’s presences before but disregard it as a bystander. She wanted to rest her trust on it yet she was afraid it would drop her. So she decided she will go fifty fifty, just in case it decide to let go. The farther she got from the marshland the deeper the laughter became. It made her sick, but she knew if she quit now she will end up in the marsh again with the leapers who didn’t seem to pleasant anymore. How could she search for such disgusting creatures? At the top of the cliff which was a side of a mountain a colorless man with blue hair and jade eyes appeared in front of her. She had never seen this man before no wait she have, he was so strange yet familiar in his poised look, looking down at her in interest. Yes now she remember him, the strangle tingles in his eyes, searching through trying to find a simple connection understanding, companionship. This man countenance froze right in front of her, looking down, pitying seeing her struggling trying to abase the cliff. Yes, now she remembers the pine scent, the fresh earthworms, the sound of the jamboree between the birds and the crickets, the shadows of vanilla scented heads getting in a single line behind Mrs. Picknicsay the camp instructor.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Evelyn!

    I had to go back to some of your older posts to get a better understanding of what's going on here, and what you're aiming for in relating dreams to issues of power.

    In your very first post you are brainstorming different ideas of what dreams are, and you came up with some interesting concepts of messages through dreaming. To dream is to recieve an experience, in order to learn or receive a message, but from who? Ourselves, the deepy rooted subconscious, or someone outside ourselves,(you refer to a celestial being)

    I'm seeing a sway toward the latter interpretation in your story, particularly in the 'strange force/strange acquaintance' that Rinnah feels when climbing the golden rope. The symbolism too, of a golden escape, upward out of the muck to a higher level of awareness (once raised above the frog-filth, she seems to realize how unpleasant it actually was).

    I'm wondering how you plan to shape this regarding power dynamics. Dreams are an excellent setting for power relationships, primarily with oneself; You can feel completely powerless in a dream, (especially when the dream becomes a nightmare), or entirely in control (the potential of lucid dreaming, coming to an awareness in the dream, that you're dreaming, and taking control of the dream from that point on, allowing you to do anything.) Creating the element of an 'Other' that visits or possibly manipulates/controls aspects of the dreamworld is interesting, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this will play out as the story progresses.

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  2. I'm not sure to what extent you're using actual dreams to create your stories, so I'm worried about inadvertently commenting on your process, when I mean only to comment on the content... Anyway, there are some compelling things going on in the story, but also some unfortunately predictable things, and some places where I was disappointed by being told what was happening/ having the feeling described rather than being shown. Overall I like the concept, and the application- there's a strong "magical realism" feeling. Most people who try their hand at that sort of thing (in my experience) fall very short, but this is (mostly) effective. I suggest complicating the whole "climbing up a golden rope from the muck to a guy who seems weirdly like God" thing... seems a little too Plato's-cave-generic-enlightenment-y.

    Not that I think the whole story should be changed, or that you should drop the enlightenment angle-- just maybe make it a bit less obvious and more dream-like- more like the beginning part. Once she starts climbing the cliff, and you move away from description and dialogue (and towards a more self-reflective inner-voice/ narrator), the whole thing gets less interesting for me. The beginning seems more felt, while the end feels more like things are being described to me. Does that make sense?

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